Kenny's dairy
by This is your lief Edmund Rice
Summary: Kenny found a book, and stered riting in it this is his diarty.
1. Chapter 1

**DAY ONE!**

Although blind and naked, newborn marsupials crawl from their mother's birth canal to her pouch and attach themselves to the nipple to feed.

just like me


	2. Chapter 2

**DAY 2:**

today sartia chewed on my moustache, it reminded me of old times.

Then I went outisde, borded up some windows and played a game of poker with Matt.

We had all the soupe with **BEANS** _Great for nutrition not to great on the way out though I tell ya._


	3. Chapter 3

**Day 3:**

I thought about Duck today, and his dumb little face, kid was always runnin' in circles. Like his brother, Clementine. I never really knew her, but I know Lee was a good dad to her.

**2 hours later**

I thought about Larry earlier and his dumb little face, guy was always screaming at Lee, then havin' heart attacks. Im just glad hes gone, he had the jaw of a Urban. and the mouth of a steam boat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Day 4:**

**(Today was crazy)**

I woke up to a bright light, it blinded me dead. But not actually, I went downstairs and stared up the fire, thats when I saw it.

A chocolate that hadn't been burned from the night before, I checked left and right for Sarita but she was not around. Slowly I peeled off the charcloed wrapper and pushed the sweet treat into my mouth avoiding my head brace which protected my teeth. The first piece of candy I had ever tasted and I wanted more. - Kenny and the chocolate factory

**4 hours later**

Milk, milk was everywhere... I told Matt to kill the cow, cook the meat, but no, now we have milk, milk and more milk. Everywhere, Staining the walls, standing the floor, staining...My moustache.

I washed my facial hair, but the creamy substance remained. The cow came closer, whacking its huge, slimy pink tongue every where, it lightly brushed against my moustache, instantly cleaning the hair.

"Its all utter now." The four legged creature whispered to me, sending chills down my neck, the stunning creature leaped from the stair case and flew out the window, leaving us with nothing...Except thick, white, creamy milk. "Thank you cow, thank you."

_(In memory of Maybelle the last surviving cow on the St. Jonhs Dairy farm)_


	5. Chapter 5

**Day 5:**

I had a crazy dream last night, I was a hamster, hitting on other hamsters, they impregnated me. Then I had 8 tiny babies attached to my teats. I love my babies, I love them.

Today I continued boarding up the windows, listening to what the wind was telling me, it tugged on my moustache and beard, pulling me along to my fate, but my place was here. Its been 5 days since any walkers have appeared infront of me. Perhaps its time I sperm Sartia, time for a new Duck to be born, or is its a girl, we can name her Duckleesha. Yeah, in memory of Lee.

**6 hours later**

It was noon when I went into Walters room, I regretted it instantly, the groaning and high pitch screeches weren't enough to warn me, but seeing your two friends connect to each other wasn't pleasant.

Matthews head of long back hair had gotten tangled in Walters beard, they tugged and pulled but the only way to separate them was to use scissors.

_ Rip Matthews lushus hair._


	6. Chapter 6

**Day 6:**

Nothing much happened today, I found a dead mouse, it was rotten and starting to smell. But anything for protein these days.

_Rip mouse. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Day 7:**

I climbed a tree today and fell, landed flat on Sarita. She broke her arm, her leg, and her beautiful toes. But luckily thats healing well. She aint mad me which is good.

Then after I patched her up, I boarded up some more windows and went on a supply run with Matt, but we didn't get far cuz we ran into a group... Two young blokes, an old guy, a spanish man and a girl. They seemed to be waitin for someone to come outta the woods.

We turned around and when I got back (matt likes to stay at the bridge), Sarita was already walking around, turns out she just sprained her ankle, wrist and just bruised her toes. Sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me, I can't just imagine her doin' an Indian dance, puts a tear in my eye it does.

**5 hours later**

I decided to cut down a christmas tree using my gold ol' axe, he's helped me though some tough times. But the pine needles made the place smell of pine. I love that smell, it reminds me of my old aftershave 'Manly smell' man I miss that cold sensation of the spray hittin' my skin.

When dinner was ready, we sat at the small table, eatin' the same food. Great for nutrition not to great on th-...Yeah, I ya this this already. I changed into my pyjamas after eating' happened to be an ol' pair of the bananas in pyjamas costume. It fits well and its fluffiness soaks up any sweat my body may produce during sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Day 8:**

I finally finished boarding up the windows today, I even engraved a picture of Sarita and I in one, man I love that woman.

As I nailed the last hammer, I remembered my boat, all the good times we had as she carried me over the waves, the salty sea made me cry but it was all part of the job. I remember the bubbles she made when I turned on her engine, and the way we would rock against the water surface. I was always on top of her, I would go down inside her and she would keep me warm. I would usually sleep down there as well, rolled up in the sheets. I miss that.

**9 hours later**

Me and Walt had a chat about our girlfriends today, since Walter is the male in there relation ship. I told him about my boat, he said that I was weird, but he didn't judge and told me he tried to have intercorse with a train once. Weird.

Then he told me how good I am at climbing trees, I realised I'm like a Koloa, Im slow, tried, cute, fluffy, I make my babies eat poo if they can't digest proper food yet and I'm a hairy bear. One day my new baby will sit in Sarita's pouch, and drink the milk from her teat. Why can't it be me? Why do girls get the food producer? maybe I could regurgitate something for it. Yeah, I'll do that.

But first, Ill have to mention having a baby to Sartia.


	9. Chapter 9

**Day nine:**

Not much happened today, I told Sartia bout that baby...but she didn't hear me, probably cuz I mumbled it...

I chocked on a pine needle, plated my beard, wacked Matt with my moustache and slid my tongue down an old rusty pot cutting it.

But I'm okay because I'm a man.

I also thought about Ben today, and the way I would secretly count his stubble while he walked to me, I was really only mad at the kid all the time because he had more facial hair then I did at his age...Stupid Ben.

**Few hours later**

I drew a picture of a horse on Sartia's back, I used white sticky stuff... I found it in a jar. Its called whiteout.

Today we ate the same food again, except I found a roach in mine, extra protein it is...


	10. Chapter 10

**Day 10:**

I squeezed my nips today, they were so perky. They could cut diamonds but I had to stop Sarita came in.

Sometimes I just wanna cut off her hand, it reminds me off good ol' Lee my best buddy. My Urban best friend.

She said to me "Kenny someone is at the door." I ran out with rifle and saw vanilla ice, a cowboy, wolverine and his daughter Tracy McBeen the greatest inventor. A peggo woman that looked like my mumma and a fat guy, who kinda looked funny. He is probably Urban.

They raised there guns at me so did the same and man it was a stand off. I waited for someone to say something other then Sarita and the Cow boy but no, none else had balls like me. Or a moustache...Like me.

"Woah, woah." The cowboy said and thats when I saw a hat, the same hat I remembered from the little girl and her amber eyes.

"Clementine." I said astonished, she hand her mouth open like she could no believe either.


	11. Chapter 11

**Day 11:**

Clementine looked at me like I was her dadda, she said to me "Kenny?" Then the cowboy was like "You know this guy?" And she nodded, her qute little mouth.

THEn

She ran to me, like I was her daddy. and wrapped her tiny tiny little arms around my upper waist, I hugged her back, feeling a tear form in my eye sack. I kneeled down to het mousey little face and lookd at her, man...The memories, if only Duck were here now...he could C his beautiful little girl. But I was just concert about my nips, they were probably showing through the fabric on my shirt.

We invited her crew inside, and I punched one of them cuz he wouldn't put the damn gun down. Anyway, I was sitting wit Clem. We talked about Lee and the sad sad memories...My moustache devoured my salty tears as they leaked.

Then Sarita came over...And introduced her fine little butt I mean self, Clementine seemed to get on well with her, Then the damn two younger fellows,came and asked for work.

They followed me outside, "So." I stared convosation, "you know Clem. how'd you meet er'" They look at each other with a worried look and damn, I knew somethin' was up with there little butts and most likey floppy balls.


	12. Chapter 12

**Day 12:**

I sittig in the back of a damn hunky truck, with everyone else and there stupid little faces, except Clementine.

I knew my nips were showing through the fabric on my shirt and it was embarrassing, but most of all, my cutt was really itchy, I had worms and man, were they killing me.

"Damnit! Clem help me get these things off." I asked of her, but she looked scared.

"kenny its no use! You're going to get us killed." I knew these people were working for him, except Clem. Then I saw something I wish I could unsee, I saw Carlos pick his nose. I did, I really did. Suddenly the truck stopped, and the Troy fucker opened the door.

There was so much food, I had to contain my beard hairs from reaching out on the shelves. Suddenly, I had to search my nip...It was so itchy, omg I can't, it was so itchy I just needed to-

"Sarita, Scratch my nip." She looked at me like I was a demon, "I said scratch it!" She used her tounge against my nip. It felt like I was giving birth. To that Carver fucker.


	13. Chapter 13

**Day 13:**

The red head fucker locked us in the damn cage with the one armed indian. He said his name was veggie or something...Man he is one ugly man, but I kinda wanna rub his nips...Anyway. Clementine was searching the place but she didn't find nothin'. Were locked in here, so right now, everyone else is sleeping, Sarita is stealing all my body warmth, leaving me like a drowned rat! Clementine on the other hand is alone, sleeping by herself. I wonder if she wants to cuddle. I thought about my boat today..and when I tried to have intercors...

Hey, I fell asleep when I was writing-Oh Carver fuckers here, write in ya tomorrow.


	14. Chapter 14

**Day 14:**

I told ya I would write in ya!

Anyway, today i figured out an escape plan! Its called, lil bitch.

So what happens is we throw Sarita over the gate. Then she attaracts the walkers too her, thats when we make our move. While she screams, we leave. The only problem is...Im scared she's going to get bitten. Yeah she's a scakherface but I still love that woman more then I love my moustache. JK! LOL! She's cool, but not as cool as Vinalla Ice over here.

Okay, Turns out the cow boy shows up so new plan. I came up with it entirely by myself. I cum outside with the walkie talkie, so we can keep in touch with im. Then he tells us where the guards are on each tower. We mangier around them, turn on PA system and make a run for it.

Let me nit forget to mention. My seamen got Sarita preggo last night. One day in and she's already feeling sick. Duckleesha will be born.


	15. Chapter 15

**Day 15:**

Hah! The plan worker, I'm litterly writing this while stumbling past the dead. They have no idea that we are people. Lol, dumb fuckers.

Im sitting at the fountain, Sarita dying in my arms. I using her face as I stand for me to place my book and write on, but I rubbed the cover all over myself sot could smell me. and only me.

I lashed out at Clem to, and I regret it but att the same time. She got my baby killed- WAIT! SARITA IS STILL PEGGO!

"Omg Sarita!" I said to g=her, she looked at me wit tried eyes. "Santa out baby!" She instantly got up, allowing me to reach inside her and out out...out...DUCKLEESAH!

She is beautiful, she even had my moustache! Sadly Sarita died in the process of getting her out. But thats all. Everyone awwwed at the new baby and before we knew it. Rebecca was going into labour as well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Day 16:**

I woke up to a bright light,My toes weren't crusty like they always are, my arms were spaghetti, like millions of tiny weiners were my hands, the cold air made my moustache cry, it isn't gonna be a good day.

So I deiced to grab cock. My good old chicken friend next to me. I love cock.I named him Henry, I stroked him for hours till my hand was sore,Being the hungry man I am, I decided to eat my cock. rest in peace Henry you lived like a king.

**A few minutes**** later...**

I started to wake everyone else up after eating, I even stroked that Luke fuckers hair, he had real nice hair, I stroked it once more and then regurgitated Henry to make eggs and cock for everyone to , their was enough cock to go around. Even for my little girl, Duckleeh, although she had to suck Rebbecas Nip. Maybe later ill try to get her to suck mine.


	17. Chapter 17

**DAY 160**

its been alot hours and days since i wrote in my dairy~

_ /`6\\_ ,_ \ _.==' `) `""""`~~\ -~ \ '~-. / ~- jgs ~- `~-====-' ~_ ~- ~ - ~ ~- ~ - ~ -

lol


	18. Chapter 18

**Day 18:**

I never thought my daughter would grow up to be the strong girl she is today, she kills walkers like they are mens penis's trying to get into her. her hair, just like mine. Her moustache, oh god, her moustache.

**A few hours later..**

Is this my dads journal? Oh cool, HI IM DUCKLEESHA! My name is Duckleesha and I am free to anyone who wants to fuc- HOW DARE MY DAUGHTER DO THAT! I guess her moustache took over her mind, we goodda be careful with our face hair, treat it with respect.


	19. Chapter 19

**DAY 19:**

Today Duckleesha and I tied out moustaches together, it was pretty awesome. Suprise Superise, Clementine and LUke are still with us, the girl went after him and saved him from the lake, I was pretty upset, I mean...

Luke and I we're talkin' we were thinkig that we should head East, Im not sure why I just felt like starting an argument which I did. Huh, fucker.

But now everyone is packin' their things, I am ready to leave bu I though I could get some time to write some stuff in here ceuase why not.


	20. Chapter 20

I took a shit today i felt like beans had spouted. As the long wet slimy snake left my anus I thought about Sarita.  
Clem is strangerrrrrerr.

Then, after I taken a shit Luke found it Damn boy. He said that it semlt like cats and llamas.

Then duckleesha, belive it or not, actually tried to kiss him, and he reacted like a mad dog he ran away. I dont udner stand why tohugh, my daughters moustache is amazzing. GTG foing into a herd, buy.


	21. Chapter 21

**DAY 21**

Duckleehsa smeeled rel bad today so I made her wash in the river. Luke and Clem have been talkin' lots latley I'm pretty sure the fucker is plotting against me. Poor, Clem. She must be so confused.

I found a dog today, I called him cock. In memory of my old chicken friend. Its great, Clementine and Duckleehsa love stocking my cock, I like rubbing him as well. I think, since I'm the o=one who found hime he's my cock. So I now refer to him as my cock. And Clementine taught him how to jump, th prob;em is he get dirty quickly and also likes to destroy things. ButI love my cock, I think I'm going to brush his fur later with a forlk better go bye!


	22. Chapter 22

Duckleesha found a penny today, she had no damn idea what it was and I couldn't help but laugh. What a dumb kid, dumb as a bag of hammers.

Clementines over by the river comfortin' her right now, and surprise, surprise, we ran into that fucker.

That fucker who fucks me so hard, Mike.

He fucked everyone here, Luke, Clementine, even my child. But it okay now because he aposlisgied for destroying out plans.

**6 hours later...**

Im fallin' asleep as I write this cause my eyelids are screaming out to me as they try and seal themselves together but no siry. I shall not let them because tis is my own body, and thheeeeey- *Spirt dribble marks and snoring noises*


	23. Chapter 23

**Day 23:**

omg, is this Kennys journal? hey everyone its Clementine here, Luke and I were just talking about which breed of dog is better, Sheltlen Sheepdogs or Boston Terriers. Crap, keenness coming!-

What was CLmenetine doiling in my journal!? Plotting agaits me with Luke and Mike? What about - ugh. Ducklesssha is calling me, probably wants me to comb her hairy legs, brb.

VOTE FOR SHETLEN SHEEPDOGS -

NO LUKE! Boston terriers! They're so cute and have frog eyes!-

Hey what about Pugs?

Mike, seriously? Pugs have breating problems!

yeah,but there cute.

STAY OUTTA MY JOURNAL YOU ASSHOLE! You're giving Clementine a bad influence! Ugh! Sorry about that, yeah duckleesha sure is my little girl, she's almost 9 now and already had a bead, intact she was born with it. *Tear drops* I still remember the look on Sartitas face when she saw her baby, pure terror, but only cause she was diying, otherwise it was fine.

Anyway, I'm gonna go bathe in the river now, bye.

_Psst. Boston Terriers. _


	24. Chapter 24

**Day 24**:

*Kenny coughs*

Today Luke made breakfast for everyone, Clementine found some Owl eggs in a tree, cause where else would they be expect in my panities?

So Luke cooked them, we found exactly 6 so Lucky us.

Luke got 2,

Clem got 1,

Duckleesha got 5,

Mike got 2,

and I got 2.

So we're holding up strong rite now, I couldn't help but notice that Duckleesha keeps trying to eat her foot.

I dont know why, she tried to attack me today when I went to brush her hair legs. Mike suggested that she was on her PRIOD! My kids dont get periods! Duck never got them, I did once but tats all. So maybe it had summating to so with the fact that her eyes are slowly going foggy? I dont know, man-o-pause?

Today My Cock also found a tennis ball, so Clementine was playing fetch with him all day. Man I love my cock, he's such a good boy. He eve sits and comes when told to. (My Cock is Kennys dog btw, in memory of his good chkicken friend. Read chapter 16!)

Today I learned that Mike give a girl genital herpes once. I laughed but in all honestly I kinda want genital herpies, I mean, then I could easily pass them onto duckleesha and no men would ever try and ram into hr like my steam boat did to me.


	25. Chapter 25

2day I wakes up and my anus was itchy so I destroied the itch my rubbing my butt on a pine tree.

Tings have ben prty sowly lateleye. My moustashe is getting loner, heck, even Luke is staring to grow somewhat of a bread, a little facial fluff. Mike and duclessha have been getting along well, and we fund some new people tp join out group. Introducing:

Tummy : She's 68 years of age and has a thick monobrow, she is also missing pants and her nipples spike people.

Juic: He's only 39 butt... Well, he doubt talk much. But =t he likes touchin mt body. he makes me feel doog.

crem: Crem is almost 80 years of agee. She's really kiwi and wears a long skirt which she trips over a lot. She has gray hair an brown sandals. She smells likes bird feathers butits oke. Se rides on peoples bak 2.

Clementine is growing into a confident young woman, brings a tear to my sacks to think about it.


End file.
